Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Poetry from workshops volume 6



Tomorrow
My Daughter visited so they say
Said she took me out today.
Had an ice cream, cup of tea,
Glad she can remember me!
Music playing, can I dance?
Comedy on, do I laugh?
Favourite colour blue or red
Things go fuzzy in my head.

I’m quite worn out but don’t know why
Try to remember makes me cry
Block it out, make it go away
Tomorrow is another day...




-----

Friends
What was set in stone has drift' away
 The distant memories now lead me astray
Constant yet changing faces
Alien yet known, kind yet tense
They are my keepers here
They’re my only friends
I feel my way in this darkest world
It makes no sense
I do as I’m told

-----

Constancy
Why am I being ignored?
I feel like I’m being humoured
I know what I mean but no one else does
Constant changes
Constant new faces

 -----

Daytime
My sister’s home
 She’s fine today
I see her on Tuesday - I can’t wait !
I slept all night, I’m happy today..
Pasties for lunch - Ice cream for tea
Oh! too soon! - the bus comes for me.

 -----

 Visiting  Gran
Hello dear have you come for tea?
Do I know you -do you know me?
I am I old - am I young?
Am I frightened -is this fun?

What is your name Lynee or Sue
Tell me again do I know you?
Ignore me dear - I am in a muddle
Come over here,  give Gran a cuddle
Hello dear have you come for tea? Do I know you? Do you know me?
 Don’t go dear, stay a while.
Silent tears but still a smile,
Don’t know where you Grandpas gone, he promised me he won’t be long.
Hello dear have you come for tea?
 Do I know you? Do you know me?

-----

In my head
What’s that?  Another strange noise
Shouting, screaming, swearing
I am so scared
Please somebody talk to me
What is going on?
Is it real or in my head?
I just don’t know any more.


-----

Knowing
I woke up this morning
Not knowing who I am
Or where I am
Seeing people coming in and out of this place
Asking where am I
And who am I
Hearing people telling me stories about a life I can’t remember
Trying to remember but can’t
Everyone being so helpful and friendly
But I want  to know who I am
Will I ever remember ?

-----

Do I know you?
You call me by my first name
Do I know you?
Your face looks familiar-
Do I know you?
Your smile makes me happy –
Do I know you?
You gave me a cuddle –
Do I know you?

-----

Reflections
What time is it,
What day is it,
Am I in the past or in the future?
 Am I happy or sad?
I am confused
Yesterday I knew who I was
But now I’m not so sure?

-----

The Window
Through the window the sun is glowing
My client is shouting at me not even knowing
My client has slapped my face
But  carry on caring for her,
And others, regardless of their behaviour or race
Overlook their illness and be kind, considerate and caring
And we will all feel content.

-----

Spin
My head is in a spin
 I don’t know what to do
 I feel so alone
 because this is not my home

 I do miss my family
 I don’t know where they are
Please someone help me,
because I am so so alone

-----

Home?
Don’t know who I am
Everything is unfamiliar
My head is in a muddle
Emotions running wild
No one understands me
Traumatic and intense
I feel misunderstood when.
all I want is to be is home

-----

Rainbow
I see the faces very clearly
I hear the music distant
The dances we used to have at night
Those waltzes and oh those tunes of old
Ah those tunes remembered long ago
Come and clap and sing those songs
The piano plays the refrain
“Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high
theres a land that I’ve heard of once in a lullaby”

-----

Questions
Who am I?
Where am I?
Why am I here?
Can I go home?
But I want to go home!
What time is it?
Day or night?
Who are you?
Where are they?
Where is my mum?
What about Dad?
You’re not my son, you’re too old!
Who’s that in the mirror?
Why are you following me?
What are those tablets?
Please help me remember!
I  cannot find my handbag
I know it’s here somewhere
I remember that I’ve got one
But where is it - oh where?
Have I had my pill yet?
What about my luncheon?
I need some help to function,
I need someone to care.
 I used to be so different
It doesn’t seem quite fair!

-----

Dementia?
What is wrong with me? I think I’m going insane
 I can’t remember who I am but I know that I’m a pain
How am I to function I’m always feeling lost
What about my family will they love me at any cost?
I look back over my memories muddled in my head
I’m worried I will lose them -
that’s my biggest dread
So many happy moments I want to stay here still
I don’t want this dementia
I don’t want to be ill.

-----

Hello
Hello are you here for me?
I  hope you don’t mind I am sat in my pee!
Don’t know where I’m going and barely remember where I have been
I feel like I’m part of a movie scene
I have no memories, I have no life
All I need is my loving wife.
People come and go everyday
Why has my life gone this way?

-----

Old
When I grow old and I’ve lost my mind
I forget all the things I’m supposed to find
My house, my keys, my mum, my dad
Things I don’t remember I forgot I had!

-----

Clock
I need some help to find my way
Ever since my memory went away
I used to know who I was
Now I get told when to wash
When life is not my own any more
Feels like someone shut the door,
on the life I did adore.
I wish I could do things once more
I wish I could turn back the clock
And remember things I’ve now forgot.

-----

Child
When  if I grow old understand me child
As I might hold a glass of water and it would be spilt without knowing it
Patient I want you to be, as I am forgetful
Render me much more care and loving as I was doing when you were a child
Hold onto me
Don’t give up
As always my unconditional  love for you remained

-----

Me
Look at me
I’m not who I used to be
Old and fragile
Stupid little me
 I’m not here and I’m not there
Please help me - where can I be?

-----

Hairdo
One day she knew me, one day she didn’t
Could it have been her glasses that she did not know?
Or could it had been her hair, the different styles she wore?

-----

1953
Who am I?
Where am I?
Lonely and lost?
Confused and scared?
Sad and unloved,
 I wish I was back in 1953.

-----
How
How would I feel to have dementia?
Sad, lonely and without emotion
To think I can't remember the thoughts I used to think

-----

OK
Where am I?  I don’t know
I can’t think today
 Who are you?  Who am I?
Have I been here before?

 I keep forgetting, but can’t remember what
I feel lost in this strange world.
I stand here all confused and all alone
Where is everything that I own?

How I wish I could go back to when everything was OK
Oh! I’m already there!

 -----

Mirror
I feel so alone
In this strange home
Who am I as
I feel so confused
Who’s that person looking at me in the mirror
I don’t recognise them

Where is my husband
Why is he not here?
I feel so lonely and so full of fear.

-----

 I feel alone
On my own
In my own little world
I sit in my chair while people stare
My body old - my mind like a child
Is this forever or just a while?
Distant memories are fading fast
Always living my past
Everything was great when i was a lad
Now  got carers to change my pad
Why has this happened to me?

-----

Strangers
I’m all alone mum and dad’s gone
All these strangers coming into my home
Get out get out!  I don’t want you here!
They say they are here to help so why do i fear?
I miss my mum and dad
I want them back
Not these strangers who seem to appear
I  don’t want to i fear anymore
I just want my mum and dad near.

-----

Photo
Who’s that man in the photo
He’s been watching me all day
But when I try to talk to him
He hasn’t anything to say
I’m told he was my husband
But this I can’t believe
Because I have no memory
Of how he used to be.

-----

Why
Living with dementia
Home alone with nothing to do
No-one cares about how I feel
They come and go but don’t see me
I can’t remember who they are
Or why they come to visit
Why am I like this?

 -----

Time goes by
I sit here day after day
Watching time go by
Wondering why all these strange people are around me
Why are they in my house?
Where is my furniture?
Where is my wife?
My memory’s going
What’s happening to me- am I going mad?
These people come to see me
Who are they?

-----

Show me!
Why am I confused
show me, show me, show me!
Where is this, where is that
That’s not my hat and coat!
Most of the time I used to wonder
because everything around me is strange.
Someone’s looking and speaking to me
Why do they think I know them?
I’m not their Mum!
Life’s a routine, but what is routine.
They  mentioned choice but what am I choosing?
They  said “look at photos” from the start - but what’s for me at the end?

-----

Me
What you see when you look at me
Can you see what is in my mind
With all the memories I have left behind.
Can you understand the person I really am?
Do you see the fear and fright when I go to bed at night
You could sit and hold my hand but do you really understand
The person that I used to be?
What do you see when you look at me?

-----

Loss
I’m so confused
I feel all alone
I sit here day after day
As time goes by wondering where I am
And who am
I look at people all around me and wonder what they are to me
It seems I have a lot of family who seem unsure to me
Aches and pains are getting worse
It must mean I am getting old
Memory is at a loss
I had a wife in this life
But now I am alone

 -----

Pasty
I feel alone and in darkness
I couldn’t find my friends and family
Along the way of my journey
I can remember my mum was cooking for me
Where is my pasty?
I think my sister took it away and went out to play
 I still feel alone and in darkness
When will this ever end?

-----


The Woken Lady
I am in a daze.
Do I know this place?
As I look around the room
Things seem awfully strange.
Door creeks - someone approaches
A face I don’t recognise, don’t want to recognise
My head screams
Why are you waking me?
Leave me alone today:
All I want is rest


 -----

We miss her
It was a year ago
 when we met her in our home
 she was very ill
but we were trying still
to make her feel like a queen
step-by-step to make her walk
 it took hours of hard work  to see her happy in her new home
now she is gone and we don’t know if she is as happy as she was...

-----

 Patience
Have patience with me
I’m old and slow
My mind is muddled
I don’t know
I like reading books and music I love
Sometimes I forget
And lose site of these things
I’m frightened and forgetful - but I am still me!

-----

Identity
When I’m old I’d like to see
All the people I love supporting me
To tell you exactly what I’ve done and explain to you I have had fun
So please do try to listen well
Cos every story tells a tale
Of who I am and what I like
 and how I used to sleep at night
then happy here as well I’ll be
having my own identity...

-----

TV
I sit here day after day
Not really knowing what to do
Or say
I shout at the TV
 Hoping they may hear me...
“Hey! you in there run this way -
I have something to say
Why hasn’t my mum come today?”

-----

Small world
Yesterday I could remember
But today memories seems to fade
I’ve no-one to turn to
Family and friends have gone away
I woke up in this room I don’t recognise it all
They keep calling this place home
But my home was not so small.

-----

Fear
I live in fear
I don’t know why
My memories are passing by
I'm worried about what’s happening
My family is around but I cannot see
Could this be the end of me?

-----

Marbles
Losing your marbles can’t be very nice
Not given a choice to eat potatoes or rice
To be in a room of feeling all alone
Not asking for help as you just get a moan
My family and friends have all gone away
And I just sit here day after day
 I want to remember when I was young
And all the happy things I have done
My brain doesn’t work like it once did
I am now old and think like a kid...









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